Thursday, December 13, 2007

Cold = Lame

I got a question, no wait I have something to say. Call Jeff Old Man River next time you see him. It will be funny I promise. Also, cold, right? It could possibly be the worst thing of all time. Why do humans live in the cold? It makes no sense! Humans were not designed for the cold. It's true! I asked this scientist that I play Baccarat with on Wednesdays, and he reads books and what not so he would know.

So just the other day I was readin' on the Intraweb about this global warming, and I thought to myself, "Yeeehaaaaa!" There may have been more e's in there but I don't remember. See, people always think that would be a bad thing, but I think it would only be bad if people weren't prepared for it. So check it, here is the plan. We will send out a memo on like really fancy letterhead to everyone on the planet that will read as follows:

Dear Human,

This memo, which is typed on like really fancy letterhead, is to inform you that everyone who is cool have decided to raise the thermostat of the earth to a comfortable global temperature of 71 degrees. We know, awesome right? Anyway, all of you living by free standing bodies of water such as the ocean, will probably want to move your crap...urr, we mean belongings, elsewhere. We would advise you do this within the next year. Maybe go live at your brother's house. Cool, so if you have any questions, please feel free to go to and ask it whatever you want.


Everyone Who Is Cool

PS: Attached is a detailed diagram of how this process will occur, depicted as one of those cute ASCII drawings.

*****$$$$^^^^(( $$$%%%^^&
****$$$$$@@@@^^^&&& %%&&&&&&&
***$$()()()()()()()()))) !@!@!@!@!@!@!
***$$$$++++++----====== ####*****
** ## &&
%@#@# ******* ^^^^^^^^^^^^!!!!

(as you could see, we also included an accurate replication of the Sistine Chapel ceiling.)

Tell me that wouldn't solve all our problems! Also, I'll bet we could work Akon in to the plan somewhere. I'll talk to my people.

So everybody bend your mufflers pointing up, and run those babies all night! Also convert all of your appliances to operate on gas. Also, convert your computer to be wood burning. That should do it.

......................................I'm cold.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Collection of Cool!

Hey Kidz!

In my travels I often come in contact with things that rule. So here are some things that you all need to check out. Also tell all of your friends and family to check it out too.

1. Inquisitor of Justice -

This is easily the best blog on the internet. The best part is that I am in no way related to the author. He is a complete and total stranger! Anyway, tell everyone you know to subscribe to this blog from this dude who I am not related to. He also has a link to another one he does, look at that one also.

2. HeroMachine -

Just try and tell me that this doesn't rule. Seriously try and tell me.

3. BuzzDash -

This web site made me chuckle. Literally, it was a chuckle.

4. Google -

This site will blow your mind! Apparently, you just type in whatever you want and this machine will find websites that are about whatever you typed! I almost fainted the first time I tried it! As a bonus, it will also find you a dirty site that is about whatever you typed! I couldn't believe it when I typed in "warcraft action figures" and it came up with a dirty site link! That takes some skill; well done Google! I would advise not to click on those links though cause they will burn your brain.

Well that is all for now. While most of these are inconsequential, the first one is not. Everyone needs to go to that dude's site (I know, I don't even know his name! That is how much I am not connected to him in any way!).

Read This Crap!

Dude, I think I am going to start writing here instead of that other one. Sweet, call me back!