Wednesday, July 21, 2010

"The Future, Conan?"

There comes a time in every man's life that he must look back and reflect on the things he has done. A time for him to assess and evaluate his progress and how he matches up to the goals and aspirations he envisioned himself achieving at this point in his life. It is at these times that he may require some assistance from his past self. Luckily for me, my past self has been most accommodating in this regard. It was only yesterday that I found an old wooden chest recovered from the deepest part of the ocean(and by that I of course mean a dusty old box in my parents basement) that contained two papers written by my younger self. These papers contained a detailed assessment of what I thought I would be like now. I am almost positive that he intended me to divulge the information publicly on a blog on the internet. I am sure he thought of exactly all those things because from what I remember, he was quite a bright fellow. I think he could read minds too but I am less sure of that. The pink form is a list of his characteristics at the time. The green is what he expected of me. So without any further delay, let it commence!

Well I have come on long way on this account. I am easily at least one foot taller and a respectable 40 pounds bigger. All muscle of course cause I works out. I am sure past Mark would be quite impressed.

I am fairly certain that I did not watch much baseball when I was younger and so this choice is quite puzzling. I think I had his baseball card but that doesn't seem like adequate reason for being the person I most admired. The only logical explanation is that his last name was Strawberry. To be honest, I still kind of admire that. I suppose it could have been Darryl's prostitution and cocaine charges that endeared him to me because I was very interested in both of those things at that age.

I have no idea why, but this cracks me up. When I read this I lol'd. Of all the things I could have chosen to learn, apparently the study of Native Americans (see how politically correct I am now?) was a top priority. Want to know what is even more awesome? I would bet that I know as much now as I did then on the subject. Sorry old school Mark.

This makes no sense. Past me just confused present me. That has got to cause some temporal paradox of some sort.

Well I would say mission accomplished here. Oh what, don't believe me? Then how would you explain this. Case closed.

Your guess is as good as mine. I don't remember having poor self esteem. Maybe I was on the cutting edge of street lingo and it was meant to be like "that's phat!" or "that Taylor Swift song is sick, yo!" In that case, I was like wicked dumb back then, son!

I know, I was surprised I even knew who that was too! I like to think that I was a connoisseur of comedy. I am sure I could understand all the subtle nuances of comedy and pop culture. I am not sure who I was trying to impress with this answer but it is awesome either way.

I still stand by this. I loved this show!

I am starting to think that I made this up. I googled it for like a half hour and could not find anything. If anyone know what this book is or if it is even real, please tell me. It is an awesome word though. I think I am going to use it as my nickname when I get in the UFC. "Now entering the ring, The Inflaterater!!!" *cheers, whooping, and swooning commences*

Wow my aspirations were high. But to be fair, I don't think I had ever actually been there at this age. So technically Provo was just as foreign to me as Tokyo. Come to think of it, I think it still is.

Ha, this is funny on so many levels. Not that Laura isn't a lovely person, it's just I'm not sure what I was thinking. I don't think I ever really talked to her at that age. Well, I don't think I talked to any girl that often at that age. Or now, come to think of it...........crap. Anyway, it didn't work out in the end I'm afraid. C'est la vie and whatnot.

More "complex?" What in the world did I mean by that? I suppose I was talking about the contrasting social and ethical tendencies that often accompany an evolving multicultural society. I'm sure I just didn't have enough space to write that all down. Also, I should have just wrote that we would all be nerds. Ha, Zing! Take that nerds!

Ah, another reminder of how scientists have failed us. No flying cars. No hover-boards. No terrifying lizard race conquering the planet. Where did we go so wrong? Its just a shame. I should be living on Mars right now! Oh wait, I wanted to live in Provo apparently. Guess your off the hook for that one scientists!

I was obviously leaving the details to someone else. It seems "portle thing" was as far as I had thought it out. Also, not to nitpick, but going to some one's house in a "portle thing" is not really a form of communication. Psshh, what an idiot. Past me was so stupid.

Well those were the highlights. I learned a lot about myself reading this. Ok, not really but I think your meant to say that. Hope you enjoyed this walk down my memory lane. Hopefully one day I can buy a Delorean and I can go back and have a cup of tea with my past self (actually I don't drink tea so I will just have an orange soda. Past me can still have tea if he wants cause I can't tell me what to do). Until then, I think I am gonna sort out that whole "portle" issue. That sounds like a mad dumb idea, yo!



Monday, January 18, 2010

"Looks Like We Made It..."

Ok, this is what happened.

I was out in the yard washing the vomit off the cat when who should come strolling up into the yard but the mailman! No, no, not Karl Malone. He hasn't stopped by in a while. (Call me dawg!) This was just Roger the mailman. So I put the cat back in the shoebox and shook Roger's hand. Then he was all like, "What up money. I got a package for you." Then I was all like, "Nice! Up top!" Then we proceeded to perform the most epic high five of all time! But wait, that's not it. After the epicness that was our high five, Roger gets all kinds of serious on me. His face got all somber and his voice started to crack a bit. He was all, "Mark, I need you to sign for this." I know, right! So I signed his sheet and then I dropped this bomb on him. I was like "Dude, I thought we were friends."

So how was everyone's weekend? That's right, I am assuming you are reading this on a Monday. Deal with it. My weekend was off the chain! Eric took me on a date to the jazz game the other night. Don't worry, I didn't give it up. But honestly it was one of the greatest games I have ever seen and I once saw a dude playing chess with a squirrel so I think I know. You know who my mortal enemy is? The Joker. Uhhh....wait I mispoke! That is Batman's mortal enemy, how embarrasing! I'm not Batman! What gave you that idea; that is just silly! (*phew* that was close.) No, what I meant to say was grammar. Honestly, I am terrible at it. Oh well. The holidays were great thanks for asking. Emily was in town which was great. She makes it feel more like home when she is here. Also Blake came down which feels like a band reunion when we hang out. Love it. And yes, I did get that robotic leg that I wanted so all is well. Let's see what else awesome did I do? Hey Mark, tell them about the time you climbed that mountain and saved 30 orphans by strapping them to your biceps with dental floss! Oh no I couldn't! But how about I tell you something else?!

Not sure how many of you know but I do a comic book podcast with my brother and some of my friends. Well a few months ago we decided to make an anthology of short comics that we would all participate in. I know awesome right? Well it is getting close to being finished and we are crazy excited about it. I wrote a story for it and I hope it is good. Anyway I will keep you updated on that as I know more.

Well just wanted to stop in and check up on y'all. If you still check to see if I updated this blog then thank you very much. I know I need to be more regular. Hope all is well with everyone.

Bye Bye


PS: Do you guys remember Kids Incorporated? Ha, that show ruled.